Lying Here

I'm lying here in bed awaiting a new day and wondering why I'm having so much trouble sleeping lately. I know I have a strange schedule and I know I keep odd hours with work, but I should be able to sleep when I feel tired. I just read three chapters of my History homework and then searched online for some info for my upcoming project. You would think I would be snoring by now!

I really think I get this way when my daughter is with her father. I feel helpless and feel like she needs me. What if she wakes in the night, will he be able to deal with her needs? What if she's hungry or wet, will he take care of her? I know the answer to these questions, but I'm a mother and she's my pride and joy. Without my sweet little angel, I feel lost. I just want to be able to squeeze her anytime I want.

I went shopping with mom today and I always enjoy time with her. We bought Ashlyn a few more clothes, then came home to meet my niece. Claudia, my niece, came to spend the night with us. She is the most hilarious child I know. We went back out to buy her some shoes for church tomorrow and some socks. Luckily we struck gold on our first outing. Sometimes I don't know what her mom is thinking when she packs her clothes! It's cold outside and she packs short sleeve shirts, and for church, a dress and tights that don't match with boots. Need I say more! My child always has matching clothes that are appropriate for the season and I have back up outfits in case of emergency. Sometimes being a mother means being prepared for any obstacle or circumstance that may arrive.

Sorry to ramble, but as I said before, "I'm tired". I can't wait until Tuesday morning because my little ladybug will be back home with me and I'll get to squeeze her! I will hopefully get the signed divorce papers back from her father as well. I'm so tired of this divorce process too. A man can walk out of you and your child's life without batting an eye, not pay child support, and only get her when suitable for him and still have all the rights in the world. I say we live in a messed up society where the punishable get rewarded for their bad behaviors/actions. What is this world coming to? I pray that my daughter will have the very best in life and that her father will start paying his dues to her.